Sickness and questions

Lately I’ve been a bit sick. I have a funny sickness, one that either has been eating away at me for the past month or has a lot of virus friends. I do not have a lot of virus friends. (At least, I hope not.)

My sickness is a funny one in that it causes me to do funny things. Like forget to close my locker. Or forget that I’m holding a can of yogurt two seconds after taking it out of the refrigerator, subsequently causing me to drop said can of yogurt on the kitchen floor and spend the next half hour cleaning it up. A funny sickness indeed.

A few weeks ago my organism had another invader, and decided to fight it off with sleep (because of course things tend to go better for my body when I’m unconscious). I managed to fall asleep Wednesday evening and wake up Friday afternoon. This time I decided to take matters into my own hands, and tried a traditional Russian remedy against viruses. Like all traditional Russian remedies, this one had curious side effects, in effect turning my skin a deep purple. But I am alive, and for the most part no longer purple, so I’ll say it worked.

On the plus side, the Barron prep books for the 99653 AP tests I’m taking this year have arrived via scary UPS guy, so I get to spend my sick days learning about supply and demand curves and my frontal lobes. Luckily the opportunity cost of reading textbooks for courses I’m not even taking is pretty low, since in my sickness I can comprehend no more than a page and a half of calculus or physics at a time.

So I’ve been left to myself the past few days, and in my sick delirium I tend to ponder those pressing questions of life, death, and other things. Why does every Java compiler I download make separate classes for enumerated data types? Why do their resulting file names contain dollar signs? Why won’t the Internet allow me to upload files with dollar signs in their names? Should I sacrifice the classiness (get it? classiness? class file?) of enumerated data types for the functionality of the simple char?

Will colleges continue to send me junk mail after I’ve matriculated into someplace? How many trees have died (and how many environmentalists have been prescribed Prozac) for the sake of telling me about Vanderbilt, Rice, Wake Forest, Alfred, and other places I’ve otherwise never heard of? Why would anyone name a college Alfred? Does anyone at Alfred secretly hum “Alfie” by Lily Allen every morning?

How much material is wasted on toothpaste packaging? Is mouth wash still effective after sitting around for five years? Are vivid auditory and sensory hallucinations normal during sleep? Was Zachary Taylor poisoned? Will Russian rap ever catch on?!


~ by science cow on February 19, 2009.

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